One Year Later…

It’s fitting that it’s been a year since I posted my last blog post – and it was about my “New Normal”.

I’ve found that my commitment to finding my “Best Yes” has been an ongoing challenge (as it is for almost any parent in today’s society).  I’m still struggling to find what is my best use of my time.  I’m still AHG Troop Coordinator for GO’s troop (though, we have a new coordinator that will take over next year, and I’ll step back to be her assistant).  I’m now the 3rd Grade Director at church (but, have given up the check-in desk to my Meggy).  And I’m committed to working the staff nursery for the two younger Caterpillars, every Tuesday, and I’m loving my year as KB’s Room Mum (this teacher has had GO, Went, and KB – and I’ve been her Room Mum all three years!).

Our family has changed a bit, we added a Meggy.  She’s an amazing dear-heart who loves the kids like they are her own siblings.  She makes our house complete.

We, also, have been dealing with a very sick kid.  Nothing we can talk about on social media, for many reasons, but things that have taken up much of our time and prayers in the last four months.

Add that to the fact that two of the Caterpillars are graduating this year – and you have the recipe for a crazy and wild ride.

I’m not sure what the normal is going to be.  I certainly haven’t found it in the last year, and not sure when I will find it.  I do know that I have missed blogging very much.  This was an outlet for ME – it’s nice that others read it, but it was a place for me to get out my thoughts and it was my personal space out in the world.  I think I will be blogging, again, for me.  A place to leave lots of pictures, which I miss taking.  If you come by my corner of the internet, feel free to leave a comment.

Thanks for coming by.

Welcome back,
Mummy Butterfly  )i(

This Season

Other bloggers can probably relate to what I’m talking about when I say “this season has been crazy”.  It’s not the “Thanksgiving” season, or the “Christmas” season, or even the “fall” season – it’s when you get to that point in your life where you are trying to decide *why* you are blogging.  What’s the point?  Is it to share my life with people?  Share my Caterpillars as they grow up with relatives far away?  Is it to impart some bit of information that might not otherwise get imparted upon the world?

I recognize that overall, I’m pretty lucky.  I have quite a few readers, even if most of them keep their comments to themselves. 😉  This particular last few months has been different, however.  Harder for some things – I have had someone I thought was a friend/family abandon me for no apparent reason (try explaining that to a questioning 5 year old).  Another “friend’s abandonment” was drug up again, perhaps in a good way – as I struggle with the ramifications eight months later.  I’ve made a few new friends, and become closer with others (people I never would have thought of as friends a year ago).  I’ve not known *how* to put down on “paper” (screen) what my feelings are about almost anything.  That’s difficult for a writer like me.

We are still searching for a church home, which takes so much time and energy…  We’ve found a temporary place, perhaps it’s permanent, perhaps not.  Otto and I are in prayerful consideration, with a step-by-step plan to figure it all out.  Went is thrilled to be there (he’s in the same class with at least 4 of his school friends).  GO gets to see her twin cousin, SisterSheep, every week – and I’m sure anyone who knows GO will realize how special that is for her.  She’s also coming home every week talking about how much she loves her teacher, a wonderful woman that I’m thrilled is leading her this year.  As for the older Caterpillars?  They love the youth group.  For the first time, they have had activities that make them feel *included* and *wanted*, instead of being “those homeschooled kids”.

Otto and I are ever-searching.  It’s hard to be so vastly different from everyone else in so many ways, but the important thing is that we are together.

I’ve taken virtually no pictures in the last two months.  Another anomaly for me.  We had our annual Thanksgiving weekend: TurkEve (Thursday), Thanksgiving (Friday), and Givingday (Saturday).  I don’t think I pulled out my camera all weekend.  I’m hoping to get my “good” lens fixed for a Christmas present to myself, perhaps that will motivate me to take more photos.

The baby is doing wonderful.  We announced it was a girl, by letting GO write it on her poster at school when she was Star Student.  It was so funny to see how long it took people to “get it”.  I’m not sure of her blog name yet – many ideas have been thrown out (most of which are in the same vein as “GO” and “Went”).  Feel free to leave any ideas in the comments!

Otto and I celebrated his Birthday by taking a special surprise trip away for the weekend.  It was amazing, and reinforced how important it is for us to take time together away from all distractions.  I do have a few photos of that beautiful trip!  (I think I had as much fun planning the surprise, as he had experiencing it!)

At the State Park

The Falls

Where we stayed (SUCH a great place!)

Our days are crazy: Mondays all the Caterpillars and I work on school work (and try to get the house semi-clean).  Tuesdays I have a few hours to myself, which means that’s normally the day I schedule doctor’s appointments.  Wednesday is “Went and Mummy” Day.  Sometimes we go shopping and to the park.  Sometimes we play at home.  Today was one of those cool days where I can see him growing up right before my eyes – he could hold my hand in the grocery store.  He could communicate without crying (still no words, but communication!).  We had fun eating our snacks, sharing Starbucks, and watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Thursdays is another day I have a few hours to myself, but there always seems to be something that has to get done that day.  I should be happy most of the Christmas Shopping is done.  Fridays it’s a “boy day”.  The older boys do schoolwork, and take turns playing games with Went.  It’s hard to imagine adding a baby girl to the mix, but I know from experience that a few days after she arrives – I won’t be able to remember my life without her.

This long and rambling post (congrats if you made it this far), is my way of getting back into things.  My hope is to return to blogging slowly.  But to remember what the purpose of my blogging is.  For me.  This is my record, this is my space, these are my words.  I am grateful for your interest and you reading them.

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

Marriage Advice on My Husband’s Birthday

Another blogger was doing a round-up of marriage advice recently, and I read through the blog posts and wanted to share my own.

I’ve really only got one piece of advice:

“Love your spouse for who they are.”

It’s easy to love your spouse for who you WANT them to be.  Or who you think you can MAKE them be.  Or even who they USE to be.

It’s really hard to love your spouse for who they are – right now at this very moment.

Some moments, spouses are hard to love.  Maybe they are depressed, or they have made incredibly poor money choices, or they don’t like you very much.

Love them anyway.

As an ex-wife, I say the same thing.  I love my ex-husbands for who they ARE: the Fathers of my Incredible Children.  My kids wouldn’t be who they are right now, if they didn’t have the fathers they have.  And I wouldn’t change my kids for anything – I love my Caterpillars.

Take a look at your spouse today.  There is *something* good in everyone, you have to find it.  Some of us are lucky (like me) and it’s obvious.

My husband, Otto, is an amazing Dad and Stepdad.  He’s also a giver, who would sacrifice his own happiness and wellbeing to make sure I am okay.  He’s the model of a Biblical Protector and Provider.  He feels no shame in outward signs of affection and makes sure to hug and kiss all of us (even the gangly 14-year-old boy) every day.  He loves the “manly” things – and throws footballs around and talks sports.  He understands and encourages the fire inside each of us.  And he strives to sit with the family every night before bed and listen to each of us pray.

He isn’t perfect,  When we disagree, it’s loudly and with feeling (chalk that up to the theatre inside us).  But even in those moments, I love him for who he is – a passionate Godly man who wants to lead his family on the path God has for us.  This is the man I will have grandchildren with.

I think if we all looked for the way to love our spouse for who they are, we would see divorce rates plummet.  More time in marriage counseling, because problems don’t just go away, but if you love your spouse – you can both be willing to work on it.

I love you, Otto.  Happy Birthday – just as you are.

In this picture, I am loving him for who he is – A UGA Bulldawg willing to wear Geaux Tiger shirts, because he loves me so much.

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

Celebrating Fall – Mug Exchange

I saw a wonderful idea on another friend’s blog, and was sad that I missed the opportunity – so I wanted to recreate it on my own blog!  Fall is coming (soon, I hope – or at least the cooler weather!), and to celebrate I am hosting a Mug Exchange.

I love mugs.  For me, they are one of the few “memory” items.  My Mimi (dad’s mother) had a mug, a pottery type, with strawberries on it.  When she passed away, it was one of the few things I asked my Granddaddy for.  My mum has a Polish Pottery one that I bought her when I lived in Germany.  It will be one of the few things I ask for when she no longer needs/wants it.  Mugs bring back good thoughts – not just of the drinks (though I love my coffee and hot tea), but of the long talks and the early mornings (or late nights).  I hope my Caterpillars also associate my mugs with happy memories – and I’ll send them with almost any one they want when they leave for college.

I don’t have this mug…YET! 😉

Here’s how it works:

1) Sign up by emailing your name and address to mummybutterflyblog@gmail.com.

2) On September 17th, you will get an email that has the name/address of another reader of my blog.

3) By September 24th, mail that person a mug and something to go inside!  It can be any mug you like, and you can slide in hot chocolate packets, hot tea, instant coffee – your choice!  You can also add a note inside, if you would like.

You will NOT necessarily receive and send to the same person.  Feel free to go ahead and pack up your mug package – so it’s simply waiting for an address on the outside!  I will be grabbing a mug down here in Walt Disney World (and maybe if my recipient is lucky – an extra Mousey Treat!) to ship out on the 17th!  Leave a comment if you have questions – but PLEASE email your address/name for security purposes.

It doesn’t matter if you have ever commented on my blog before, or if you even know me in real life – join in!  This is a great way to meet a new friend!

I look forward to our exchange!  After you get your mug – take a picture and send it to me, so I can see all the cool cups??

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

(Disclaimer: I hope everyone is responsible and fulfills their end of the bargain, but I cannot guarantee it.  If you have not received your mug by September 30th, please let me know and I’ll check in with your giver.  If you find out you will have a problem giving – please let me know as soon as possible.)

First Formal

B10 went to his first High School formal, and really enjoyed himself.  I’m going to give ya’ll a couple of picture – but then let him speak for himself.  His article on the dance “Formal Logic” was published on a Teen Blog that he writes for.  I encourage you to check it out and leave him a comment.  🙂

My sweet boy and his date.

Love the B&W Background!

He is growing up so quickly!

~Mummy Butterfly )i(

 

And Seven More Passes By

Ha – last time I posted, it seemed odd I had gone six weeks without a blog post.  This time I went seven.

In my mind, I’ve started lots of blog posts, but they go nowhere.  The effort seems insurmountable.  Which is odd.  Type some stuff, post a picture, hit publish, smile.  Not hard.

GO is outside playing with the puppies (and singing “Let It Go” loudly on the back porch – like most other five year olds in America).  Went is letting me know from his bedroom that bedtime is most assuredly NOT 7:45pm, even if he’s had no nap and can barely hold his eyes open.  The big boys are at their Dad’s house and Otto has spent the week at a conference.  It’s just been me and the Littles hanging out.

I am trying to find the joy again.  Not in blogging, per say, but at all.  I enjoy spending time with my friends and my caterpillars.  I’m doing better with that (tonight, for example, I was at my wits end, but decided to take them out to the park instead of sitting at home feeling sad).  But the daily joy isn’t as easy to find.  I’m weary.  Why?  I don’t have near the burdens that others carry.  My health isn’t great – but I’m not bedridden.  My caterpillars are all safe and happy and healthy.

My head knows I am blessed and my heart is trying to catch up.

My beautiful GO – all ready for her date night.

How can I be sad – with a face like that looking at me every day?

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

6 Weeks Gone

I haven’t blogged in six weeks.  If it weren’t for the fact that I’m trapped inside (Day 3), I might not even have posted this.

I am feeling quite apathetic about blogging in general.  For so long, I enjoyed the journaling of my life, and the growth of my Caterpillars.  I’ve touched briefly on the depression that I have suffered from, and while I think that has played a part in the lessening of the blogging – it’s not the main reason.

It has been almost seven years since I began.  Much has changed, some has stayed the same.  Overall, I’m happier.  In a better place.  God and I are doing great.  I worked full time when I began my blog, and was sad that I wasn’t at home with my Caterpillars.  Seven years later, I am blessed to be with them everyday.

B10 has gone from being a precocious 7 year old who loves animals, to a brilliant 14 year old – who loves animals.

CW was GO’s age when I began, he’s grown into himself.  He  has his own interests, and even when they align with B10’s – his mind and thoughts are HIS.

GO is here.  Seven years ago she wasn’t.  Not only is she HERE, but by golly – she’s got something to say!

And Went…two years ago, he didn’t exist.  Now, we can’t imagine life without him.

For seven years, I have used pictures and words to remind myself and share with others.  But I’m not feeling it anymore.  Discouragement?  Maybe.  Feeling like if I can’t do it perfectly, why do it at all?  Likely.

At the same time, I hate thinking of NOT chronicling GO and Went’s life, as I did the older boys.

I don’t know the answer.

Snow & Ice Week

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

31 Days

I did it.

Not that it matters to anyone else, but I did it.  31 Days of Blog Posting.

31 Days of Transformation.

Some was here.  Some was elsewhere.

I’m not “better” when it comes to my depression.  But I’m coping, with some great skillz.

For November, I have our entire meal planning done, and my Mum (Cookie) came yesterday and helped me do ALL the grocery shopping.  Otto helped me prepare the next week’s worth of meals for the fridge/freezer to make this easier.

I managed to do a good bit of Christmas Shopping.  That is HUGE to me.  I kept it in cash and rocked it out.  I love the holidays, but I know they can sink me back into a deeper depressed place if I am not careful.  Less stress is better.

I am moving forward.  Every little accomplishment is a success.

And I did it.  31 Days.

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

Advice for New Mums

Kelly at Kelly’s Korner is doing Show Us Your Life – and asked for advice for New Mums.

Here’s mine:

1) It DOES get better and you will miss this time of the little ones.

2) The above advice doesn’t mean crap when you haven’t slept for nine days in a row and just want to take a shower and be CLEAN and would like to remember what coffee tasted like when it was hot.

Well-meaning people will tell you over and over that you will miss the moments when your children wanted you constantly and wanted you to hold them and nurse them and love on them.  This will be when they are 13 and sweaty and stinky and yell at you a lot.

Here’s the thing.  Right now, you just want to take a nap.  And honey, that’s okay.  You know what – I have a stinky 13-year-old and an adorable 1-year-old, and I just want to take a nap, too.

If you invest in one piece of  baby equipment, find something that can contain your child.  For me, it’s a swing that straps in and holds up to 30 pounds.  I put it in a room far away from my bathroom.  I’ve had it for 13 years (since B10 was born), and sometimes it sits in front of a (gasp) TV.  Sometimes it sits in front of a window, near a radio.

Every once in a while, I strap my child in it (whichever was the young one at the time).  I put on the TV or the radio or just move it to where the child can see out a window.  The child may scream.  LOUDLY.  But they are safe.  And they cannot hurt themselves.

Then I start the coffee maker.  And go take a shower.  And wash my hair.  Maybe shave under my armpits.   (Otto appreciates that.)

I get out, wrap my hair in a towel and pour a hot cup of coffee.  Then I read a verse of Scripture (no need to get enthusiastic – let’s all be clear, I stick with one).  And I dry my hair while I drink my coffee.  (The hairdryer helps mask the screaming.)

Sometimes, my screaming child is asleep at this point.  Often, he’s not.

But I’m clean, have had a cup of coffee, and my hair is pretty again.

If my child is still screaming – I pick him up and at that moment, I can appreciate the way he snuggles into my (clean) shoulder and lays his little head down on my (clean) chest.

It’s not easy to remember that you are yourself first, and a mother second.  (Actually, if we go in the *right* order, you are a Child of God first, a wife second, and a mother third.)  Taking time for yourself is good, right and perfect.

Just make sure the kiddo is safe.  Find something with straps.  If all else fails – put them in the carseat in the middle of the living room floor.

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

Happy Fall Harvest Fest!

Oh My Gosh – I cannot believe this was Fall Harvest Fest number FOUR out of FIVE for GO.  Relive my memories here: 2010, 2011, 2012

As Room Mum, I helped with our classroom station (mostly making sure the other parents made it there and knew what to do, but they are all pretty smart – so it wasn’t hard).  We (my Co-Room Mum and I) made cute gift bags for each kid in the class with a book to read, two free Waffles from Waffle House, and Pumpkin Peeps.  I only hung out with my big girl during snack (Co-Room Mum baked some WICKED good cookies!) and during the hayride.

GO and I

I cannot believe how big she has gotten, and my heart breaks on some level that next year she will be in Kindergarten and it will be her last hayride.

Of course, we are homeschooling, so it’s like I can’t take her on a hayride myself, but you know…

I know I’ve said it before, but it bears repeating.  I love our preschool.  Love the women who work there, love the other kids who go there.  I will be eternally grateful that my sister asked me so many years ago, if I would like CW to go to Kindergarten with Mrs. B and Mrs. R.  Now, to imagine that GO could be with Mrs. R next year is mind-boggling.

Thank you, BooSheep!

BooSheep and SIster Sheep

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(