Forgetting Fear

It’s almost worse when you forget what you’re afraid of, then it appears again, and for a moment you feel as blindsided as you did at the very beginning.

I nursed Went today, held him close and then when he fell asleep, I moved him up to lay him on my chest, wrapped in his little dot blanket.  He has the sweetest smile in his sleep.  That contented happiness of new people when their tummies are full.  His sweet breath and the way he wiggles as he lays happily passed out on me.  I love these moments, always have with all my Caterpillars.

But it hurt.  It hurt a lot.  I moved his head a little, trying to find a place that was comfortable for me.  Then I realized, what was painful was the fact that his head was right on top of Penelope.  I guess the lumps have become more prominent now – the doctor said it would happen, but to be honest, I’ve been a bit preoccupied to notice/check.  I want to forget the reason so much of this started in the first place.

I want to focus on the precious little caterpillar God has given me.  I want to be able to lose myself in the baby moments that won’t last long.

I had anger, now it’s almost fear – robbed of that moment, because Penelope invaded it.  And I don’t know how to get Penelope out  – I know life’s not fair.  Don’t get me wrong.

But this part sucked.

~Mummy Butterfly  )i(

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One response to this post.

  1. God is good. Went is the smile of God behind the dark providence of Penelope. In comparison, he is just that much sweeter.

    Praying for you, as always. Remember I love you!

    Reply

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